Katherine Nydegger

Katherine Nydegger


Raised: $92

Goal: $300

In memory of my mother ANNA and millions of others who have suffered with this death sentence

In May of 2019, I found out my mother had died while sitting inside at the bar at Cover 3. Her landlord had reached out to me earlier in the day since she hadn’t returned his texts or calls for the past 12 days. My texts to her went unanswered and my phone calls went straight to voice mail. I knew she was gone before I even got the call.

My mother and I had a shallow and tumultuous relationship; she lived in her own world and never got to know me—something she would resent me for and lament to my dad years later. I can’t say I felt that I knew her very well either. I often dreamed of things getting better between us and some time around late 2015, it finally started to feel that way. Of course, nothing improved drastically, but the little progress that was made gave me hope that things would really be different some day. I had to hope--after all, with my dad being 14 years her senior, I knew some day, sooner rather than later, he’d pass away and I’d rely on my mother as the only real family member I had left. In 2018, things seemed to be going well for her. She got a job that she seemed to actually like a few months before her diagnosis, selling perfume at the Dillard’s makeup counter. For once in my life, I could hear genuine excitement in her voice when she called to tell me about it. That was short-lived, however, as a distracted teenager hit her car and forced her into a lot of pain and physical therapy—something that ultimately caused her not to be concerned about the growing pain in her side and abdomen. It really didn’t matter though, given our family history of pancreatic cancer. Her death sentence was signed and sealed long before she would begin to feel any symptoms.

For some amount of time, I really thought I might write a stunning obituary or eulogy, but I was never given the chance. What I will say is my mother loved Elvis and Led Zeppelin and White Snake, Fleetwood Mac, and Andy Williams. She also loved Trump and Reagan, Billy Graham, Hawaii, The Young and the Restless, Daniel Steele novels, reruns of Bonanza, and shopping at TJ Maxx. She hated John Denver, me suggesting I take a photo of her (“I look like a hippo,” she’d say. Because in her world, she and others who were no longer “hot” weren’t worthy of doing certain things. It’s something I still struggle with today.), people who drink alcohol, “the feminization of American men”, the outdoors, self-reflection, veganism, any restaurant I took her to, California, and seemingly almost most everything else not mentioned in the second and third sentences of this paragraph. Hell, the only voicemail I have from her on my phone is her complaining. "I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist," she'd always tell me. If I'm also being a realist, though she complained a lot, she was an honest person and someone who didn't choose drugs, alcohol, or men over her kids. She didn't show love and affection the way that I wanted or needed, but I can only hope she loved me in her own way. For that, I am eternally grateful. 

I find myself frustrated when trying to educate the average person about pancreatic cancer, since there are no well-known campaigns or movements to help. “Oh does she, like, smoke a lot? My grandma got lung cancer because she’s a smoker,” said the kid trying to sell me a new car at the Toyota dealership as I waited for my oil to be changed. Unless you’ve been touched by a rare cancer, you likely don’t know much about it. So many people assumed breast cancer or lung cancer when I mentioned her cancer diagnosis. Nope. There is an incredible amount of data that suggests that pancreatic cancer, along with cervical, liver and bile duct, lung, and ovarian, are severely underfunded relative to the number of deaths they cause. I can only imagine that this may be due to the grim prognoses and high mortality rates. When people survive cancer, they become the best advocates for awareness and fundraising. When they don’t…well, you get the picture.

According to the American Cancer Society, 56,770 people were diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2019 and 45,750 died from it. To put this in perspective more people died from pancreatic cancer in the U.S. than died of breast cancer, despite having only 20.10% of the total diagnoses of breast cancer. Further, at a dismal 9%, the five-year survival rate for this type of cancer is the lowest of any cancer.

Most days I’m fine. But there are some days I’m sad. Sad because she didn’t deserve that. Sad that I was robbed of the chance to maybe have a close mother-daughter relationship that I see other women have with their mothers. Would it have ultimately happened? Probably not. But it could have gotten better. And like I said, I had to hope. Though we weren't very close and butted heads, she was my mother. My only mother.
All of this is to say I hope you will consider donating to PanCAN. Will there be a cure in my lifetime? No. Cancer is too volatile and too different in each person it affects. There’s no one-size-fits-all treatment, but with the amazing clinical trials for new therapies that are being conducted as I type this, I’m hopeful that fewer people will have to suffer the way so many others have.


Pancreatic cancer does not stop or slow down, and neither do we!

I’m going to help make progress, with your support.

I’m participating in PanCAN’s PurpleStride, a year-round national movement that funds lifechanging programs and services for pancreatic cancer patients and their families.

Every dollar you give means more patients can benefit from PanCAN’s free, one-on-one support, personalized information, service and resources that can make a real difference in their lives. 

Please make a gift of any size to get me one step closer to my fundraising goal and improving more patients’ lives. 

Patients and families need us now more than ever.

Thank you for your support.

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About PanCAN PurpleStride

Local action. Nationwide impact. This is PanCAN PurpleStride, the ultimate event to end pancreatic cancer.

On One Big Day, through 60 PurpleStride events taking place across the country, pancreatic cancer survivors, families, caregivers, researchers and supporters will join together and walk to honor everyone affected by the disease.

PurpleStride is the number one way PanCAN raises money to fight pancreatic cancer on all fronts — through research, clinical initiatives, patient services, advocacy and nationwide volunteer support. Learn more.